Ever thought of finding a partner is really serious matter? Due to my background, i had been aware of this is not just a lovey dovey matter between you and him/she, or romantic feelings towards your so called soulmate, 'without you i cant live' theory, ' you jump i jump ' theory, etc. To me, it is something which is going to bring tonne of problems into your life. D: Trying to imagine two persons from different planet are trying to live together. Moreover, God created woman and man in different ways, proportions of each hormones in male and female are different, God gave different tasks and gift to male and female.. wow! Huge chunk of problems! Not only that, people, parents are still alive, i am unsure about how a relationship can still be continued if his parents dont think that im good enough for his son. What if he is willing to fight with his parents for you, err.. do you feel fine or good when you see such thing happens on your beloved with his family? Definitly Not! How would you feel great when you see yourself is a troublemaker to your love one?! Whenever i have a slight thought of 'lets get into a relationship!' , i feel greatly depressed and fear. (well, it's a sinful thought, i m still working hard on it, trying to get rid of my selfish thought, selfish in the way that im thinking myself too weak to handle it, so i dont want to have partner, neglecting the fact that partnership also involves another person to help me to make it works ) It isnt because of i dislike guys or what, but since i feel myself cant even deal with relationships with parents peaceful enough, and God ultimately, at this current time, this is really not an appropriate time to drag myself into another problem. Another funny comment that i received from friends : '' you dont dare to find a partner, is it because you are scared of sex in the future? you find sex is dirty? '' ... to be honest, in the past yes, i was scared of giving out myself to male, but err.. really, nah, sex to me isnt a reason for me not to think about marriage. Main reason is i am afraid that i have no time to commit myself into one more new relationship -larr.. UNLESS, :( that guy doesnt mind it at all? lol. aih.
Since last year onwards, some of my friends fell in love with non - believer. and some even started dating._. sigh. dont feel offended. i just dont get it why. As you always say that you love God, and we must always put our mighty God in the first place, why you still want to date with non believer? i understand that we are wicked men and sometimes we just cant help it to control our feelings, but why do you act it out, started to date? Importantly, you are a serious person and always see your dating partner would be the one you marry with. Do you forget the fact that our body is owned by God? And our flesh is part of the body of Christ! Marriage is the union between you and your partner, and both of you are connected to each other after marriage. Marriage is the formal covenant in front of God. So when you are united to a non-believer, isnt that you are trying to connect a non-God's people with Christ's body? Although he/she is nice, kindhearted, but as she/he is a non Christian, meaning he/she is not godly, isnt it that he/she .. sorry to say that, he/she has no different with prostitute in front of God's sight? Our God hates unjustice, as he/she is not justice in His's eyes, are you trying to make God angry???? :( i feel sad whenever i heard their matters. Is this showing that you love yourself more than God already? :( i love my brothers and sisters - in - Christ... whyyyyy???
Perhaps you would say that we cant predict our future, who knows that he/she can be converted? And so i have a doubt again. Then who you are? How do you know that you can change him/her? Everything is controlled and planned by God, everything is worked by Him but not by our efforts, without His will or His Grace, nothing will work. Perhaps you have a good intention when you started to date with him/her- evangelism. But wait, partnership is not only about evangelism right? if you really want to share the gospel, wont your interest has been divided? you might focus on him/her growth besides the others.
i dont wish to see any friends of me get trapped in this matter again. aiyoo..sorry to hear that, really, and i cant congratulate you although you have found your so called 'soulmate' . Instead, i was really sad to hear about it.
Be God-centered, my brothers and sisters in Christ. We Love our God More than anything else.
Ps: if you feel that im not understanding and i might be the same as you guys if this happens on me, nah, the truth is that i ever had crush with non-christian. He is nice, smart, leader-liked, etc, sometimes i even felt that he is really suitable for me, but i never dare to put any hope on him after i knew Christ, trying hard and working hard to be God centered. And i thank God that i worked it through, but still keep working on to avoid myself from sinning, praying for strength and provision from God. phewww.. aih.. hard wei..uwah..
:) add oil Carmen. hah...
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Fish and water.
Fish: you are so beautiful. i think im in love with you.
Water: you silly being, it's just a sudden affection.
Fish: really! i wont lie to you.
Water: i dont believe in love at first sight.
Day by day, the fish's feeling towards the water wasnt faded away but grew even stronger.
Fish: i like to be with you.
Water: it's due to you have get used to tag along with me.
Fish: i like your scent.
Water: it's because of you have get used to my existence.
Few days later, water wanted to leave and started its journey.
Fish: i cant leave you and want to stay with you forever.
Water: by time passes by, you will forget about me.
Fish: no! i will not fall in love with the others except you.
Water: it's because that you havent met other people besides me right now.
Fish: you are my everything.
Water: but you are not to me.
Fish: what are you longing for?
Water: the sea is my only one.
Fish: couldnt you stay here for my sake?
Water: no, i really have to go, or else i will lose my chance to meet the sea.
Fish: can i come with you?
Water: you will never ever follow up my pace.
Fish: cant you stop a while for my sake?
Water: i love to proceed with my plan without resting.
Fish: no matter what, i will swim and stay with you until you reach your destination.
Water: dont be silly, you are just a river fish.
Fish: i dont want you to be alone whenever you face obstacles.
Water: i will not appreciate your kindness.
Fish: i dont ask for it, i just want to stay with you.
Water: you know, i will love you back.
Fish: it's my own decision to love you dear.
Water: you are just getting to hurt yourself.
They reached the big river, the fish had half of its life remained.
Fish: i am unsure if i still can follow you or not.
Water: please go back home, this kind of life doenst suit you at all.
Fish: no, i will not give up.
Water: you idiot.. please be rational.
Fish: yes i am an idiot, can you accept the love from me?
Water: you should know that my heart belongs to the sea only.
Fish: why dont you try to love me?
Water: i only believe that the sea is the right one for me.
They continue their journey, fish's lifespan left for about a quarter.
Fish: how will you be if i m no longer be with you?
Water: i will be down.
Fish: what if the person is the sea?
Water: my heart will be broken, and i will die along with the sea.
Fish: why? i always stay with you, isnt it even more precious than the sea whom you havent even met it yet?
Water: living together without feeling is just some spare memories.
Fish: you believe that the sea will love you back?
Water: Sea is my only dream, my desire and i will never give up on it.
Fish kept silent and continued the remaining distance towards the sea.
Finally, both of them met the sea.
Water saw the sea but it knew that it will never be the only one for the sea.
the sea was so great and it had a lot of companies around it.
Water disliked it and it decided to leave.
At this moment, water thought of the fish, but the fish will be death soon.
Fish: i saw the sea, it's beautiful, i agree,the sea deserves you more.
Water: but i feel the sea is too mysterious.
Fish: dont worry, im sure that one day the sea will fall in love with you as well.
Water: i think i made a wrong decision.
Fish: you silly, your love to sea is so great, it isnt wrong kay?
Water: i am an idiot, why i never love you back although you never leave me always?
Fish: i think i no longer can fulfill that promise.
Water: cant you just stay again for my sake?
Fish: ... it's my decision to love you, but i never ask for you to take up this responsibility.
Water: why i was so stubborn last time and didnt love you back?!
Fish: please dont say that, i will not feel well at all to leave like this.
Water: why you always treat me so good, i....
Fish: forget about me, try to find someone better kay?
Water: no, i realised that you are the only one who deserve my love.
Fish: but i dont have time for you anymore.. sorry.
Water: i had missed all the chances that you gave me last time! i dont want to miss it again!!!
Fish: ....
Water: i think i really fall in love with you, my fish.
Fish: ah, you cant see my tear right? because im in you.
Water: no! i can feel it!! because you are in my heart.
Fish passed away with a smile, a heart was broken.
Fish:
Water:
Water: you silly being, it's just a sudden affection.
Fish: really! i wont lie to you.
Water: i dont believe in love at first sight.
Day by day, the fish's feeling towards the water wasnt faded away but grew even stronger.
Fish: i like to be with you.
Water: it's due to you have get used to tag along with me.
Fish: i like your scent.
Water: it's because of you have get used to my existence.
Few days later, water wanted to leave and started its journey.
Fish: i cant leave you and want to stay with you forever.
Water: by time passes by, you will forget about me.
Fish: no! i will not fall in love with the others except you.
Water: it's because that you havent met other people besides me right now.
Fish: you are my everything.
Water: but you are not to me.
Fish: what are you longing for?
Water: the sea is my only one.
Fish: couldnt you stay here for my sake?
Water: no, i really have to go, or else i will lose my chance to meet the sea.
Fish: can i come with you?
Water: you will never ever follow up my pace.
Fish: cant you stop a while for my sake?
Water: i love to proceed with my plan without resting.
Fish: no matter what, i will swim and stay with you until you reach your destination.
Water: dont be silly, you are just a river fish.
Fish: i dont want you to be alone whenever you face obstacles.
Water: i will not appreciate your kindness.
Fish: i dont ask for it, i just want to stay with you.
Water: you know, i will love you back.
Fish: it's my own decision to love you dear.
Water: you are just getting to hurt yourself.
They reached the big river, the fish had half of its life remained.
Fish: i am unsure if i still can follow you or not.
Water: please go back home, this kind of life doenst suit you at all.
Fish: no, i will not give up.
Water: you idiot.. please be rational.
Fish: yes i am an idiot, can you accept the love from me?
Water: you should know that my heart belongs to the sea only.
Fish: why dont you try to love me?
Water: i only believe that the sea is the right one for me.
They continue their journey, fish's lifespan left for about a quarter.
Fish: how will you be if i m no longer be with you?
Water: i will be down.
Fish: what if the person is the sea?
Water: my heart will be broken, and i will die along with the sea.
Fish: why? i always stay with you, isnt it even more precious than the sea whom you havent even met it yet?
Water: living together without feeling is just some spare memories.
Fish: you believe that the sea will love you back?
Water: Sea is my only dream, my desire and i will never give up on it.
Fish kept silent and continued the remaining distance towards the sea.
Finally, both of them met the sea.
Water saw the sea but it knew that it will never be the only one for the sea.
the sea was so great and it had a lot of companies around it.
Water disliked it and it decided to leave.
At this moment, water thought of the fish, but the fish will be death soon.
Fish: i saw the sea, it's beautiful, i agree,the sea deserves you more.
Water: but i feel the sea is too mysterious.
Fish: dont worry, im sure that one day the sea will fall in love with you as well.
Water: i think i made a wrong decision.
Fish: you silly, your love to sea is so great, it isnt wrong kay?
Water: i am an idiot, why i never love you back although you never leave me always?
Fish: i think i no longer can fulfill that promise.
Water: cant you just stay again for my sake?
Fish: ... it's my decision to love you, but i never ask for you to take up this responsibility.
Water: why i was so stubborn last time and didnt love you back?!
Fish: please dont say that, i will not feel well at all to leave like this.
Water: why you always treat me so good, i....
Fish: forget about me, try to find someone better kay?
Water: no, i realised that you are the only one who deserve my love.
Fish: but i dont have time for you anymore.. sorry.
Water: i had missed all the chances that you gave me last time! i dont want to miss it again!!!
Fish: ....
Water: i think i really fall in love with you, my fish.
Fish: ah, you cant see my tear right? because im in you.
Water: no! i can feel it!! because you are in my heart.
Fish passed away with a smile, a heart was broken.
Fish:
Water:
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
wait. patience!
what is wrong with being single?
doesnt it better just to be patient?
:)
i believe in my God will provide what i need :) thank you!
Perhaps, staying single is the best condition for the current me? Because i know that i am still too immature to handle relationship well enough :)
Relationship with God,
Relationship with parents,
Relationship with family members,
Relationship with friends,
Relationship with teachers,
Relationship with ........
Just be patient, just wait. Because God also knows that i need time to stabalise various kind of relationships that i mentioned above. heh ~ ^^ before proceeding to next stage :)
doesnt it better just to be patient?
:)
i believe in my God will provide what i need :) thank you!
Perhaps, staying single is the best condition for the current me? Because i know that i am still too immature to handle relationship well enough :)
Relationship with God,
Relationship with parents,
Relationship with family members,
Relationship with friends,
Relationship with teachers,
Relationship with ........
Just be patient, just wait. Because God also knows that i need time to stabalise various kind of relationships that i mentioned above. heh ~ ^^ before proceeding to next stage :)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Recurrence
Nah, it is not about the feeling towards the guy i love though. It's about the recurrence of a thought which i planned to carry out since i was a teenager. (i know right, my look is like a 15 year old girl, but the truth is i am turning 21 soon)
These few days were gloomy.
i was scared.
i never felt that way so strong again.
The more i grew, more thoughts that i imagined or dreamed of happened in my life right now, or becoming more and more realistic. They became something that i can achieve in the future.
Both bad and good ones.
i have been trying to throw away my previous self. But it seems like, they try to stick back to me again.
i am scared and confused with what i want right now.
i had been crying at night till morning. That's the only period that i can hide away my tears silently without my mother knows about it. i am unsure if my brother heard to my cry or not.
i..
started to lose my faith and belief towards males again.
i..
started not to believe in marriage.
i..
have a thought of being a sister or nun in the future once again.
Attachment and love are scary.
i am afraid of loving.
No one i can trust now until i started to imagine out my 'imaginary friend' to accompany me.
People believe that God is the representative of love.
But us the sinners, broke and cut the perfect relationship between us and the Holy God, until we no longer understand Him. And now, i dont understand love, like how i dont understand my God.
today was a gloomy day, and i cry.
These few days were gloomy.
i was scared.
i never felt that way so strong again.
The more i grew, more thoughts that i imagined or dreamed of happened in my life right now, or becoming more and more realistic. They became something that i can achieve in the future.
Both bad and good ones.
i have been trying to throw away my previous self. But it seems like, they try to stick back to me again.
i am scared and confused with what i want right now.
i had been crying at night till morning. That's the only period that i can hide away my tears silently without my mother knows about it. i am unsure if my brother heard to my cry or not.
i..
started to lose my faith and belief towards males again.
i..
started not to believe in marriage.
i..
have a thought of being a sister or nun in the future once again.
Attachment and love are scary.
i am afraid of loving.
No one i can trust now until i started to imagine out my 'imaginary friend' to accompany me.
People believe that God is the representative of love.
But us the sinners, broke and cut the perfect relationship between us and the Holy God, until we no longer understand Him. And now, i dont understand love, like how i dont understand my God.
today was a gloomy day, and i cry.
Friday, November 25, 2011
The Movie Day!
Yesterday was a great day and experience for me again!
i woke up at 3am something, yeah, i never thought of changing my biological clock until now. My previous Math teacher always complaint about it but i never change :/
Again, having a damn early breakfast: a cup of Goodday Milk with twiggies!!! X) at 4 something, continued with some studies before departed to school at 7.30am.
Recently i am attending to a Christianity class called, two ways to live. i would say this class is not bad at all. it triggers me to think a lot, yet confuses me. The class was started at 8am, that's the reason why i had to go to uni. haha.
Since i still had some time before attending to CF, i went and met Shu Fang, entered her class as well. Guess what? :P Be proud of this PM3! hahah, she is the top student in her batch! Shu Fang never changes at all and still a freaking hardworking girl! :) They were having pharmacology class, same lecturer but different lecture's content :/
Then, i went for CF. It's a movie sharing day. Great discussion i had here. Thanks to sisters and brothers. Their sharings are useful to me. Thank God.
Around 5pm, Albert wanted to buy a new pair of sportshoes so i took this as an opportunity to take public transport again, to midvalley shopping mall! thank you! hah! Reason that i chose not to drive was that i never took train at night before, this tempted me. >< Since his class ended earlier, there was much time left for us to watch a movie--> PUSS IN BOOTS! damn! the cat is so darn cute! no All CATS are CUTE! i prefer cats more than dogs, to be honest :) So this movie was definitely nice to me! There's a scene that Puss was playing with the light appeared on the wall, i went all AWWW and AWWWSSS ! so lovely and adorable!!! >< and when Puss was still a baby kittieeee, YEAAAAKKK!! i felt like wanna hug PUSS!!! >.<
Anyway, the story was simple. it's watched for fun but not much catchy scenes.
Getting KTM at night was not a good idea and the people were a little fierce. Thank God that the second train was not so crowded. To me, it's spacious :) LRT was even better, there were plenty of seats and quiet:) i love the journey! Outside was black. this reminded me of spirited away again :) it's a good time that allowed me to start blank out my mind :)
Although i was tired after that, but i enjoyed myself :)
i woke up at 3am something, yeah, i never thought of changing my biological clock until now. My previous Math teacher always complaint about it but i never change :/
Again, having a damn early breakfast: a cup of Goodday Milk with twiggies!!! X) at 4 something, continued with some studies before departed to school at 7.30am.
Recently i am attending to a Christianity class called, two ways to live. i would say this class is not bad at all. it triggers me to think a lot, yet confuses me. The class was started at 8am, that's the reason why i had to go to uni. haha.
Since i still had some time before attending to CF, i went and met Shu Fang, entered her class as well. Guess what? :P Be proud of this PM3! hahah, she is the top student in her batch! Shu Fang never changes at all and still a freaking hardworking girl! :) They were having pharmacology class, same lecturer but different lecture's content :/
Then, i went for CF. It's a movie sharing day. Great discussion i had here. Thanks to sisters and brothers. Their sharings are useful to me. Thank God.
Around 5pm, Albert wanted to buy a new pair of sportshoes so i took this as an opportunity to take public transport again, to midvalley shopping mall! thank you! hah! Reason that i chose not to drive was that i never took train at night before, this tempted me. >< Since his class ended earlier, there was much time left for us to watch a movie--> PUSS IN BOOTS! damn! the cat is so darn cute! no All CATS are CUTE! i prefer cats more than dogs, to be honest :) So this movie was definitely nice to me! There's a scene that Puss was playing with the light appeared on the wall, i went all AWWW and AWWWSSS ! so lovely and adorable!!! >< and when Puss was still a baby kittieeee, YEAAAAKKK!! i felt like wanna hug PUSS!!! >.<
Anyway, the story was simple. it's watched for fun but not much catchy scenes.
Getting KTM at night was not a good idea and the people were a little fierce. Thank God that the second train was not so crowded. To me, it's spacious :) LRT was even better, there were plenty of seats and quiet:) i love the journey! Outside was black. this reminded me of spirited away again :) it's a good time that allowed me to start blank out my mind :)
Although i was tired after that, but i enjoyed myself :)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Goodbye! Semester three!
ahhh..
what a relief! i got my results for my End of Semester 3 examination. Although the grade was a slight fall but it's seriously beyond my own expectations. i never thought that there had no even a single C for Carmen appeared on my report card. i expected that i might failed for this examination. Thank God and Praise the Lord and God!
System of the examination was changed from this year onwards: All is multiple choice question and no short answer question and essay, except for microbiology for pharmacists. Hence, this indicates that the range of questions to come out on test paper is broad and wide. You need to memorise every single details from the notes or else, try your luck by tossing the coin on that day itself. No, there are 5 to 10 options, coin with just two faces aint enough for you to try out your luck it seems. There are 30 to 40 questions in total, but contributes 70% in each paper. For aiming a pass in IMU, you got to score for at least 50%. So, you roughly know that not much questions left for you to answer them with fortune.
After sitting for the examination of this semester, i must give a great applause to my seniors. Out of eight papers, eight, yes EIGHT out of EIGHT are mostly testing your memorising skill. Sometimes reasoning and critical thinking skills can still be applied but not much. For instance, there is a paper about natural product in medicine, it's about facts of each plants or herbs, reasoning skill can only be applied on how its basic compound structure reacts with the receptors in our body, but before you can do that, try to memorise its compound structure and the functional group it possesses, and of course, its unique name. Inserting names had already caught me in trouble. What about its side effects, mechanism of action, properties..etc :( haih, i salute the pharmacists out there. Anyway, every course has its own difficulties. Got once i sipped into a lecture of medic students, all health science students must learn about body systems, however, the things that have to be learned by them, the future doctors, are far more deeper and more complete compared to us. i guess if i asked a medic friend to sit for my body system's papers, they can finish the paper pretty fast.
Well, we still need to learn something related to pharmaceutics or physical pharmacy. That's the part i love the most in this course. Seriously. They are more of like simple physics theories (very simple) or physical chemistry and seldom related to biology or organic chemistry (but still, functional groups play an important role in it too). Another paper is called as extemporaneuous skills of compounding and dispensing drug.. err.. i have forgotten its actual name, anyway, it's fun but tedious! We need to produce the products, finishing the report in time ! damn, and maximum of three writing mistakes on the reports. During the process the working place must be kept clean and tidy if not marks will be deducted. My heart was in race everytime when i was having these classes. i expected that i would fail for this subject. i was late on that examination day. Morever, i couldnt find my seat and thought that i entered the wrong laboratory. i was in panic. After i found my seat and started reading the question, shoot! my mind was blank and forgot the calculation for making the suppositories. My first set of suppositories was a big failure. i was scared. Quickly i proceeded to make another product, guess what? it's a non-removable cream =='' Since i was behind time, i left the tile uncleaned at the side and my examiner came near to my seat to deduct my marks for cleanliness. Furthermore, i used extra amount of an ingredient so my cream was yellower than others! i went to a stage of nearly craziness. The third product was emulsion, it's the easiest one, but wait, how come when i poured the mixture into the amber bottle, it seemed like less than the volumn targeted?! damn.. i was freaked out. 45 minutes left, i quickly took back my suppository report and made a big cross on the wrong formula, without concerning of that ' maximum 3 mistakes on report ' rule, rewrote the exact formula ( my God, i was so lucky that my mind remember about the formula back in time). My final suppositories were damn nice! T-T i was nearly tearing. After sticking the labels on all three containers and without double checking my reports due to lack of time, i submitted everything with a strong feeling of GG-ness.... the situation was worsen when i found out that i wrote the wrong date on the reports and labels............. ' maximum 3 mistakes on report ' rule.....
and so, i burst into tears.....
'' i have to resit for this subject... what should i do ? ''
'' even if i pass, it's definitely a C ..''
my mind couldnt think straight..
Thank to my friends, they consoled me with hugs and we had a great dinner together. Jiaying, kailing, karmen and gwen.
Few days later, Albert asked me about how i did for that test. i was crying again. haha, i think this scared him a little. sorry.
The story was not ended yet.
In my first week of study break, i received a message from my friend, i was told that Griffin was in bad situation as suddenly there was a flyer no longer joining for the cheerleading competition due to personal reasons (but forgiveable :/ ) the competition was five days later. they needed a flyer. so yeah, i ended up helping out. Before that, i was asked to in charge of fundraising for Griffin as well. Consequently, i got to taking care of the booth in the morning, at night practicing and learning the performance in a damn fast way, preparing and cooking the food for fundraising in midnight, worrying of revision everyday ( i already mentioned above, sem3 was tough), trying hard to recover myself from my personal stuff. i was in stress. So, got once when the practice didnt go well, i couldnt do a stunt so yeah, i cried again =='' damn weak me ! But thank God!!! after having a bonding session with my stunt group, i could do that ! although not 100%~ On the third day of having fun with cheerleading mates, the previous flyer appeared and she said that she was able to join again :D Great news!! :) i was quite pleasure about it lar :) at least one more burden could be taken down from my shoulder. Throughout the first week of study break, i am thankful to a fellow, i dont really want to expose that identity. Seriously, i never forget about your help. i shall record it in my diary? haha
So, i only started my revision properly in second week. i had to rush and memorised, munched the notes in two weeks time, for all 6 papers. haha, seriously, praise the Lord and God! i didnt know why i suddenly had a weird thought: God made the world in 6 days time and rest on 7th day, us the human was made according to His image, God is able, so i might also possess certain strength to work as hard as God. Although God is almighty but im just nothing without God's help. hahhaha, this was the way i pushed myself to the extreme lar.. and i enjoyed the Sundays, too. :S it means, i tried to study one paper in 2 days time.. ignoring the fact that i was exhausted to the extreme.
i felt no regret too :) because i really had fun during my study break. First week was about cheerleading and i was tossed by those old and new faces , shoulder sit, learning new dances, met new people! Great memories to be stored in mind forever!!! i love it!! <3
Second and third weeks were all about studies. Dont know lar, i am a sinner, i am sure that you guys experience that too : we always seek for God more when we are at the end of the rope. More troubles or problems i faced, the more i seeked for God. There was a Sunday Sermon about baptizing, i felt excited when i witnessed the water baptizing ceremony for the first time in my life. My previous self would never step out from my room during my study break, not even Sunday. but i did that in this critical period. LOL.. i rested myself just to test out my weird theory.
Therefore, i am grateful that my results were still roughly maintained. :) i love my God! God is able!
i am thankful to those who supported me throughout my exam month as well. Albert is a great friend to have :) Thanks for treating me as your family member :D
what a relief! i got my results for my End of Semester 3 examination. Although the grade was a slight fall but it's seriously beyond my own expectations. i never thought that there had no even a single C for Carmen appeared on my report card. i expected that i might failed for this examination. Thank God and Praise the Lord and God!
System of the examination was changed from this year onwards: All is multiple choice question and no short answer question and essay, except for microbiology for pharmacists. Hence, this indicates that the range of questions to come out on test paper is broad and wide. You need to memorise every single details from the notes or else, try your luck by tossing the coin on that day itself. No, there are 5 to 10 options, coin with just two faces aint enough for you to try out your luck it seems. There are 30 to 40 questions in total, but contributes 70% in each paper. For aiming a pass in IMU, you got to score for at least 50%. So, you roughly know that not much questions left for you to answer them with fortune.
After sitting for the examination of this semester, i must give a great applause to my seniors. Out of eight papers, eight, yes EIGHT out of EIGHT are mostly testing your memorising skill. Sometimes reasoning and critical thinking skills can still be applied but not much. For instance, there is a paper about natural product in medicine, it's about facts of each plants or herbs, reasoning skill can only be applied on how its basic compound structure reacts with the receptors in our body, but before you can do that, try to memorise its compound structure and the functional group it possesses, and of course, its unique name. Inserting names had already caught me in trouble. What about its side effects, mechanism of action, properties..etc :( haih, i salute the pharmacists out there. Anyway, every course has its own difficulties. Got once i sipped into a lecture of medic students, all health science students must learn about body systems, however, the things that have to be learned by them, the future doctors, are far more deeper and more complete compared to us. i guess if i asked a medic friend to sit for my body system's papers, they can finish the paper pretty fast.
Well, we still need to learn something related to pharmaceutics or physical pharmacy. That's the part i love the most in this course. Seriously. They are more of like simple physics theories (very simple) or physical chemistry and seldom related to biology or organic chemistry (but still, functional groups play an important role in it too). Another paper is called as extemporaneuous skills of compounding and dispensing drug.. err.. i have forgotten its actual name, anyway, it's fun but tedious! We need to produce the products, finishing the report in time ! damn, and maximum of three writing mistakes on the reports. During the process the working place must be kept clean and tidy if not marks will be deducted. My heart was in race everytime when i was having these classes. i expected that i would fail for this subject. i was late on that examination day. Morever, i couldnt find my seat and thought that i entered the wrong laboratory. i was in panic. After i found my seat and started reading the question, shoot! my mind was blank and forgot the calculation for making the suppositories. My first set of suppositories was a big failure. i was scared. Quickly i proceeded to make another product, guess what? it's a non-removable cream =='' Since i was behind time, i left the tile uncleaned at the side and my examiner came near to my seat to deduct my marks for cleanliness. Furthermore, i used extra amount of an ingredient so my cream was yellower than others! i went to a stage of nearly craziness. The third product was emulsion, it's the easiest one, but wait, how come when i poured the mixture into the amber bottle, it seemed like less than the volumn targeted?! damn.. i was freaked out. 45 minutes left, i quickly took back my suppository report and made a big cross on the wrong formula, without concerning of that ' maximum 3 mistakes on report ' rule, rewrote the exact formula ( my God, i was so lucky that my mind remember about the formula back in time). My final suppositories were damn nice! T-T i was nearly tearing. After sticking the labels on all three containers and without double checking my reports due to lack of time, i submitted everything with a strong feeling of GG-ness.... the situation was worsen when i found out that i wrote the wrong date on the reports and labels............. ' maximum 3 mistakes on report ' rule.....
and so, i burst into tears.....
'' i have to resit for this subject... what should i do ? ''
'' even if i pass, it's definitely a C ..''
my mind couldnt think straight..
Thank to my friends, they consoled me with hugs and we had a great dinner together. Jiaying, kailing, karmen and gwen.
Few days later, Albert asked me about how i did for that test. i was crying again. haha, i think this scared him a little. sorry.
The story was not ended yet.
In my first week of study break, i received a message from my friend, i was told that Griffin was in bad situation as suddenly there was a flyer no longer joining for the cheerleading competition due to personal reasons (but forgiveable :/ ) the competition was five days later. they needed a flyer. so yeah, i ended up helping out. Before that, i was asked to in charge of fundraising for Griffin as well. Consequently, i got to taking care of the booth in the morning, at night practicing and learning the performance in a damn fast way, preparing and cooking the food for fundraising in midnight, worrying of revision everyday ( i already mentioned above, sem3 was tough), trying hard to recover myself from my personal stuff. i was in stress. So, got once when the practice didnt go well, i couldnt do a stunt so yeah, i cried again =='' damn weak me ! But thank God!!! after having a bonding session with my stunt group, i could do that ! although not 100%~ On the third day of having fun with cheerleading mates, the previous flyer appeared and she said that she was able to join again :D Great news!! :) i was quite pleasure about it lar :) at least one more burden could be taken down from my shoulder. Throughout the first week of study break, i am thankful to a fellow, i dont really want to expose that identity. Seriously, i never forget about your help. i shall record it in my diary? haha
So, i only started my revision properly in second week. i had to rush and memorised, munched the notes in two weeks time, for all 6 papers. haha, seriously, praise the Lord and God! i didnt know why i suddenly had a weird thought: God made the world in 6 days time and rest on 7th day, us the human was made according to His image, God is able, so i might also possess certain strength to work as hard as God. Although God is almighty but im just nothing without God's help. hahhaha, this was the way i pushed myself to the extreme lar.. and i enjoyed the Sundays, too. :S it means, i tried to study one paper in 2 days time.. ignoring the fact that i was exhausted to the extreme.
i felt no regret too :) because i really had fun during my study break. First week was about cheerleading and i was tossed by those old and new faces , shoulder sit, learning new dances, met new people! Great memories to be stored in mind forever!!! i love it!! <3
Second and third weeks were all about studies. Dont know lar, i am a sinner, i am sure that you guys experience that too : we always seek for God more when we are at the end of the rope. More troubles or problems i faced, the more i seeked for God. There was a Sunday Sermon about baptizing, i felt excited when i witnessed the water baptizing ceremony for the first time in my life. My previous self would never step out from my room during my study break, not even Sunday. but i did that in this critical period. LOL.. i rested myself just to test out my weird theory.
Therefore, i am grateful that my results were still roughly maintained. :) i love my God! God is able!
i am thankful to those who supported me throughout my exam month as well. Albert is a great friend to have :) Thanks for treating me as your family member :D
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