*dang*

How?!

Sigh!

i am missing something miserably much!

it's going to be third year!

i think my heart is not weak at all. Having heart throbbing and tears shedding moments for so many times yet i still give in and lend my hands out.

How many times i should be cut by your knife?

Ps: im just exaggerating. writer here is a healthy person who is scared of bleeding. and a Christian. Dont worry.

not a pleasant post again.

It's weird. i seldom write something that sounds happy. Instead, i blog more often when i am depressed.


Oh well, no one reads about my blog so it does not matter i think.

i think, i am tired, once again.

Is this my third time of having such recurrence?

i guess i need to put more and more efforts in it. But how much is enough? how much is more? i am tired. Please tell me the exact value.

My friends who care about me scolded that 'the one not be named' as bastard for me.

i feel like saying bad stuff about him, too. But nah, forget about it. i just cant do it. im just too nice. HAHA

My shield was broken once again. Then, i am tired to repair it.

Heart is just like naked DNA. As it can be invaded by any cDNA randomly. i dont think heat-shock is essential step for this round.

God, i am silly enough to pray for him, forgive forgive. He is still my brother-in-Christ. So, love him, Carmen. pray pray pray....

i am a liar.

i lied again. And this time might just put an end to that matter. i guess the truth will never be revealed to the protagonist of the story. Protagonist deserved to know but the narrator planned to blind him. Since the beginning of the story started with a lie, it ended with a lie as well. The truth will only be known by the narrator herself. She edited the story. The truth will be buried and no one knows when the day she leaves the world. Anyhow, the road is still long, protagonist and narrator are just mere humans, no one can foresee the future. The main Plotter of the story is neither two of them. No one can control the story except the main Plotter.



You are my stories
Unread stories
You are my stories
Unread stories

When I gazed at your eyes
I could see an unknown country

Stories with their doors opened
Stories that won't ever close again
Stories with their doors opened
Stories that won't ever close again

Destiny is unchangeable
Let's go to an unknown country

I want to protect you
Just with that wish alone
In this pitch-black world
Until the moment when light overflows

I want to protect you
Just with that wish alone
In this pitch-black world
Until the moment when light overflows

Partner

Ever thought of finding a partner is really serious matter? Due to my background, i had been aware of this is not just a lovey dovey matter between you and him/she, or romantic feelings towards your so called soulmate, 'without you i cant live' theory, ' you jump i jump ' theory, etc. To me, it is something which is going to bring tonne of problems into your life. D: Trying to imagine two persons from different planet are trying to live together. Moreover, God created woman and man in different ways, proportions of each hormones in male and female are different, God gave different tasks and gift to male and female.. wow! Huge chunk of problems! Not only that, people, parents are still alive, i am unsure about how a relationship can still be continued if his parents dont think that im good enough for his son. What if he is willing to fight with his parents for you, err.. do you feel fine or good when you see such thing happens on your beloved with his family? Definitly Not! How would you feel great when you see yourself is a troublemaker to your love one?! Whenever i have a slight thought of 'lets get into a relationship!' , i feel greatly depressed and fear. (well, it's a sinful thought, i m still working hard on it, trying to get rid of my selfish thought, selfish in the way that im thinking myself too weak to handle it, so i dont want to have partner, neglecting the fact that partnership also involves another person to help me to make it works ) It isnt because of i dislike guys or what, but since i feel myself cant even deal with relationships with parents peaceful enough, and God ultimately, at this current time, this is really not an appropriate time to drag myself into another problem. Another funny comment that i received from friends : '' you dont dare to find a partner, is it because you are scared of sex in the future? you find sex is dirty? '' ... to be honest, in the past yes, i was scared of giving out myself to male, but err.. really, nah, sex to me isnt a reason for me not to think about marriage. Main reason is i am afraid that i have no time to commit myself into one more new relationship -larr.. UNLESS, :( that guy doesnt mind it at all? lol. aih.


Since last year onwards, some of my friends fell in love with non - believer. and some even started dating._. sigh. dont feel offended. i just dont get it why. As you always say that you love God, and we must always put our mighty God in the first place, why you still want to date with non believer? i understand that we are wicked men and sometimes we just cant help it to control our feelings, but why do you act it out, started to date? Importantly, you are a serious person and always see your dating partner would be the one you marry with. Do you forget the fact that our body is owned by God? And our flesh is part of the body of Christ! Marriage is the union between you and your partner, and both of you are connected to each other after marriage. Marriage is the formal covenant in front of God. So when you are united to a non-believer, isnt that you are trying to connect a non-God's people with Christ's body? Although he/she is nice, kindhearted, but as she/he is a non Christian, meaning he/she is not godly, isnt it that he/she .. sorry to say that, he/she has no different with prostitute in front of God's sight? Our God hates unjustice, as he/she is not justice in His's eyes, are you trying to make God angry????  :( i feel sad whenever i heard their matters. Is this showing that you love yourself more than God already? :( i love my brothers and sisters - in - Christ... whyyyyy???

Perhaps you would say that we cant predict our future, who knows that he/she can be converted? And so i have a doubt again. Then who you are? How do you know that you can change him/her? Everything is controlled and planned by God, everything is worked by Him but not by our efforts, without His will or His Grace, nothing will work. Perhaps you have a good intention when you started to date with him/her- evangelism. But wait, partnership is not only about evangelism right? if you really want to share the gospel, wont your interest has been divided? you might focus on him/her growth besides the others.

i dont wish to see any friends of me get trapped in this matter again. aiyoo..sorry to hear that, really, and i cant congratulate you although you have found your so called 'soulmate' . Instead, i was really sad to hear about it.


Be God-centered, my brothers and sisters in Christ. We Love our God More than anything else.



Ps: if you feel that im not understanding and i might be the same as you guys if this happens on me, nah, the truth is that i ever had crush with non-christian. He is nice, smart, leader-liked, etc, sometimes i even felt that he is really suitable for me, but i never dare to put any hope on him after i knew Christ, trying hard and working hard to be God centered. And i thank God that i worked it through, but still keep working on to avoid myself from sinning, praying for strength and provision from God. phewww.. aih.. hard wei..uwah..

:) add oil Carmen. hah...

Fish and water.

Fish: you are so beautiful. i think im in love with you.
Water: you silly being, it's just a sudden affection.
Fish: really! i wont lie to you.
Water: i dont believe in love at first sight.

Day by day, the fish's feeling towards the water wasnt faded away but grew even stronger.
Fish: i like to be with you.
Water: it's due to you have get used to tag along with me.
Fish: i like your scent.
Water: it's because of you have get used to my existence.

Few days later, water wanted to leave and started its journey.
Fish: i cant leave you and want to stay with you forever.
Water: by time passes by, you will forget about me.
Fish: no! i will not fall in love with the others except you.
Water: it's because that you havent met other people besides me right now.
Fish: you are my everything.
Water: but you are not to me.

Fish: what are you longing for?
Water: the sea is my only one.
Fish: couldnt you stay here for my sake?
Water: no, i really have to go, or else i will lose my chance to meet the sea.
Fish: can i come with you?
Water: you will never ever follow up my pace.
Fish: cant you stop a while for my sake?
Water: i love to proceed with my plan without resting.

Fish: no matter what, i will swim and stay with you until you reach your destination.
Water: dont be silly, you are just a river fish.
Fish: i dont want you to be alone whenever you face obstacles.
Water: i will not appreciate your kindness.
Fish: i dont ask for it, i just want to stay with you.
Water: you know, i will love you back.
Fish: it's my own decision to love you dear.
Water: you are just getting to hurt yourself.

They reached the big river, the fish had half of its life remained.
Fish: i am unsure if i still can follow you or not.
Water: please go back home, this kind of life doenst suit you at all.
Fish: no, i will not give up.
Water: you idiot.. please be rational.
Fish: yes i am an idiot, can you accept the love from me?
Water: you should know that my heart belongs to the sea only.
Fish: why dont you try to love me?
Water: i only believe that the sea is the right one for me.

They continue their journey, fish's lifespan left for about a quarter.
Fish: how will you be if i m no longer be with you?
Water: i will be down.
Fish: what if the person is the sea?
Water: my heart will be broken, and i will die along with the sea.
Fish: why? i always stay with you, isnt it even more precious than the sea whom you havent even met it yet?
Water: living together without feeling is just some spare memories.
Fish: you believe that the sea will love you back?
Water: Sea is my only dream, my desire and i will never give up on it.

Fish kept silent and continued the remaining distance towards the sea.
Finally, both of them met the sea.
Water saw the sea but it knew that it will never be the only one for the sea.
the sea was so great and it had a lot of companies around it.
Water disliked it and it decided to leave.

At this moment, water thought of the fish, but the fish will be death soon.
Fish: i saw the sea, it's beautiful, i agree,the sea deserves you more.
Water: but i feel the sea is too mysterious.
Fish: dont worry, im sure that one day the sea will fall in love with you as well.
Water: i think i made a wrong decision.
Fish: you silly, your love to sea is so great, it isnt wrong kay?
Water: i am an idiot, why i never love you back although you never leave me always?

Fish: i think i no longer can fulfill that promise.
Water: cant you just stay again for my sake?
Fish: ... it's my decision to love you, but i never ask for you to take up this responsibility.
Water: why i was so stubborn last time and didnt love you back?!
Fish: please dont say that, i will not feel well at all to leave like this.

Water: why you always treat me so good, i....
Fish: forget about me, try to find someone better kay?
Water: no, i realised that you are the only one who deserve my love.
Fish: but i dont have time for you anymore.. sorry.
Water: i had missed all the chances that you gave me last time! i dont want to miss it again!!!
Fish: ....
Water: i think i really fall in love with you, my fish.

Fish: ah, you cant see my tear right? because im in you.
Water: no! i can feel it!! because you are in my heart.

Fish passed away with a smile, a heart was broken.




Fish:




Water:

wooo..

爱一个人，是心中放不下的人，
而不是那个，寂寞才想起的人。

好朋友与爱一个人，虽两感觉很相识，可是就是有这样的区别。

wait. patience!

what is wrong with being single?

doesnt it better just to be patient?

:)

i believe in my God will provide what i need :) thank you!

Perhaps, staying single is the best condition for the current me? Because i know that i am still too immature to handle relationship well enough :)

Relationship with God,

Relationship with parents,

Relationship with family members,

Relationship with friends,

Relationship with teachers,

Relationship with ........

Just be patient, just wait. Because God also knows that i need time to stabalise various kind of relationships that i mentioned above. heh ~ ^^ before proceeding to next stage :)

Run For Nation

It was a great event! i am really glad that i had an opportunity to be one of the volunteers in medical team! Because of this event, i learned first aid for my very first time, i took the first aid kit with me throughout the whole event and this feeling was awesome! Hehe, and thank to Paul! Even though i never learned first aid before but he still gave me a try to be the first aider! Thank to Jonathan, his batchmate, willing to spare out some of his precious time to teach me some first aid skills! For your information, i am the only one who is from pharmacy course! ahahaha... others are medic students ! >.< so you know, i was really pleasure and excited when Paul asked me! XD

Not to forget to mention about the event! It was a grand Christian event i guess :) Singapore, Australia and Cambodia did join the force! The participants, aka the runners had to pray while running, it was not an easy task. They had to be both physically and mentally strong to accomplish the task given to them. The end point was at Luther Centre. hahahhaa, this place reminded me of Chicken Siew! i will never forget about the night when we got lost in a serious jamming traffic. :( Sorry Edwin! and Xin Yi!

i had met great people, too! :) All the sharings given by the Brothers and Sisters in Christ are useful and they did really clear my messy mind out. Thank God, who controls and plans for our lives, He always know my troubles and questions, and this time He allowed me to meet them, so He used them to answer to my previous unanswered doubts. Keep on praying, Prayers work! in the name of Jesus of course, so that the conversation is only between God and you. Never run away right after the prayer, because God needs time to answer your prayer. He does talk to you and you can listen to Him with the power of Holy Spirit. Thank you God! Amen! ^^ (i tried it and somehow it worked! Amazing !! God is Awesome! Amen! )

city hunter :)

suddenly! :)

liking someone is a fortune.

liking someone is a happiness.

these are the values i have learned from the drama. :)

so, am i brave enough to say it out loud like kim nana? :P neh, im just 20! no way i will do that until i become an adult.

LD relationships

　前天与一些好友见面，其中包括了T和S。男方T因须到国外留学而与S分割了约半年，现在暑假回来就立刻找女方。三双眼睛的见证下，证明了他们的LD Relationships是可行得很。


这让我想起一位朋友对这种恋爱方式的说法。前几年，约和这个朋友用这当我们的话题。我说我是如此的看不好这中毫无安全感的关系。之后我的观点不被这朋友接受。他眼睛发光，超信心地告诉我，＂it works！＂。今年，旧题重谈。原本我蛮期待这朋友会给我相同的答案，但出乎意料地，我只能在他眼里看到了无奈。


为何一位曾经鼓励过我的，自己也无法坚持自己的观点？


一丝失望闪过。


＂铁人比赛＂


这个短片，在网路上播放着。
短片的内容是这样的：
30岁的儿子，突发奇想问老爸：“我们一起报名参加马拉松赛，如何？”老爸回答：“好啊，我陪你！”儿子再问：“这。。。这其是铁人比赛，能够完成赛程的人不多。”老爸满口答应：“行，只要你喜欢，我陪你到底！”


当比赛开始时，我们赫然看到的画面时老爸推着斜靠在轮椅上的儿子气喘吁吁跑完30公里。再把儿子安置在气阀上，推着他，锲而不舍游行30海里。然后，几乎没有停歇地，再骑着特制的脚踏车，载着儿子汗流浃背完成其余的赛程。


当然，观赏到这儿，你终于明白了，儿子是个智障兼体障者。

it's okay to ask for help

Shu fang always tells me to ask help from her when i get troubles. hehe

" Sometimes we get overwhelmed with the details and complexities of our lives. Sometimes we need some help to get untangled, to gain a new perspective. Ask for help. Help may come in human or divine form. It may be seen or unseen. Ask, and ye shall receive. ''

i have so many friends who are willing to help me out. My life is great as i have a bunch of great friends :)
i love them a lot but i am really sorry that i don't know the way to express my love. Sometimes when you guys ask me to hang out, my heart really likes the suggestion however i still need to listen to my parents. If i go out a little often my parents will think that i have changed to a girl who dislikes to stay at home. Besides that, i am saving money currently. i indeed hope that my decision or rejections do not disappoint you guys. i really miss Freeze. :( i wanna eat Japanese Food. i wanna meet Yue Sun, i wanna meet EVERYONE! But, i will only kill the fun if i chose not to eat, or have to leave in the middle of the outing.

Chinese New Year is coming soon. So now what? How can i plan my time wisely to make myself available for all visits? Not to forget to slot out some time for family and relatives. However, most probably i will be in ipoh, my hometown for one whole week. :(

静

跟自己说那些都是我想太多了...

心因此而变轻了许多...如释重负?哈哈

希望我能好好记住那杂乱的心情,从那儿吸取教训...

的确令人疲惫不堪...

愿公公他别再拿那些事情来跟我开个小玩笑了...小的玩不起啊...

那样的生活比较适合我吧...

此起彼伏与风平浪静...后者较好...呵

!!!!!!!讨厌啊

我本就打算那样了...幹嘛让小的去尝试那并非在本人计划内的事,使小的方寸大乱,不安理牌出章...笨哉~




弟弟的电话铃声...哈哈..

难道他说谎了?(每当拨电话给他,总会暗地里偷笑...=X

'完'