Why is it so hard and ridiculous?
we are asked to honor our parents. yes. i follow and agree with this since i was born. i always try hard not to raise any argument with my parents for the sake of the family and be as obedient as i can. And yeah, this action and thought are fine enough to lead me to a good life ( they are providing me most of the necessities in life ), shaping my image as a good daughter as well.
But, i never thought that this has become my biggest problem and fell in to the sin of duality.
On the first day of trusting Jesus, i am no longer a good daughter to them and they are now seeing me as a rebellious kid. It's all because of i started not to follow the rules of taoism, refusing to worship my dad's 'god'. Just because of this, THIS!!! i am being called a disobedient girl. Arguments are everywhere when i seek for permission to go to learn more about God. As i know that they dont really like me to go to church, last time i even started lying to them saying that i am in school to study. How ridiculous. How selfish and sinful. We are asked to do things that glorify our God. Since they dont even know that i am going to His church, what is it good for this lie? i fell into a sin called individualism. But if i dont do so, what should i do then? bla, but current situation is better than before because i am permitted to go to church twice per month. i refrain myself from lying. No lie is good. You will pay out your trust from them to you. i certainly dislike it.
I really hate my current situation. but i will keep trusting God that He has a plan on me, edifying me, sanctifying me in His way. Please God, please dont stop guiding me through this obstacle. Even when i am weak and start falling, i myself am wicked, please God, rebuke me, so that i can grow in the wisdom of Yours. i praise out loud of your great name and your purpose. Let your kingdom come as soon as possible although i might fail your judgement. But God, we are asked to be God centered, let the will of yours be done but not mine. we are just nothing compared to you. So God, whatever it is, please, i am blameless and obey your order. Dear God, please help and stop me from sinning and follow human's wisdom because i hate them.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
it's a happy post yo!
i just got my results back!! and YAYYYY!! i can enjoy my holidays without worries! My seniors told me that Sem 5 is the most free semester among the eight, i am glad that i have the opportunity to enjoy it, too :3
What made me happy is that i finally found a friend who is willing to do bible study with me! :D yay~ my next step towards ministry and serve for His Church was done. i am going to listen to all the sermons of Heidelberg Catechism to improve my knowledge about Christianity.
http://www.cerc.com.my/sermons/heidelberg/
Not only that, to make sure my teaching line has its uniformity, i seriously need to be more discipline so that i can finish the book According to plan on time, i have not finished a quarter of it until now. Ampun ampun. haha. God's wisdom is seriously the coolest thing that i learned so far in my life! How great and how wonderful the privilege to be His children through Jesus Christ ! <3
it's a happy day. :) i hope that everyday i am not depressed anymore :) haha.
Great love from Jesus for me.
What made me happy is that i finally found a friend who is willing to do bible study with me! :D yay~ my next step towards ministry and serve for His Church was done. i am going to listen to all the sermons of Heidelberg Catechism to improve my knowledge about Christianity.
http://www.cerc.com.my/sermons/heidelberg/
Not only that, to make sure my teaching line has its uniformity, i seriously need to be more discipline so that i can finish the book According to plan on time, i have not finished a quarter of it until now. Ampun ampun. haha. God's wisdom is seriously the coolest thing that i learned so far in my life! How great and how wonderful the privilege to be His children through Jesus Christ ! <3
it's a happy day. :) i hope that everyday i am not depressed anymore :) haha.
Great love from Jesus for me.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
not a pleasant post again.
It's weird. i seldom write something that sounds happy. Instead, i blog more often when i am depressed.
Oh well, no one reads about my blog so it does not matter i think.
i think, i am tired, once again.
Is this my third time of having such recurrence?
i guess i need to put more and more efforts in it. But how much is enough? how much is more? i am tired. Please tell me the exact value.
My friends who care about me scolded that 'the one not be named' as bastard for me.
i feel like saying bad stuff about him, too. But nah, forget about it. i just cant do it. im just too nice. HAHA
My shield was broken once again. Then, i am tired to repair it.
Heart is just like naked DNA. As it can be invaded by any cDNA randomly. i dont think heat-shock is essential step for this round.
God, i am silly enough to pray for him, forgive forgive. He is still my brother-in-Christ. So, love him, Carmen. pray pray pray....
Oh well, no one reads about my blog so it does not matter i think.
i think, i am tired, once again.
Is this my third time of having such recurrence?
i guess i need to put more and more efforts in it. But how much is enough? how much is more? i am tired. Please tell me the exact value.
My friends who care about me scolded that 'the one not be named' as bastard for me.
i feel like saying bad stuff about him, too. But nah, forget about it. i just cant do it. im just too nice. HAHA
My shield was broken once again. Then, i am tired to repair it.
Heart is just like naked DNA. As it can be invaded by any cDNA randomly. i dont think heat-shock is essential step for this round.
God, i am silly enough to pray for him, forgive forgive. He is still my brother-in-Christ. So, love him, Carmen. pray pray pray....
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