im a sinner (draft)

Why is it so hard and ridiculous?

we are asked to honor our parents. yes. i follow and agree with this since i was born. i always try hard not to raise any argument with my parents for the sake of the family and be as obedient as i can. And yeah, this action and thought are fine enough to lead me to a good life ( they are providing me most of the necessities in life ), shaping my image as a good daughter as well.

But, i never thought that this has become my biggest problem and fell in to the sin of duality.

On the first day of trusting Jesus, i am no longer a good daughter to them and they are now seeing me as a rebellious kid. It's all because of i started not to follow the rules of taoism, refusing to worship my dad's 'god'. Just because of this, THIS!!! i am being called a disobedient girl. Arguments are everywhere when i seek for permission to go to learn more about God. As i know that they dont really like me to go to church, last time i even started lying to them saying that i am in school to study. How ridiculous. How selfish and sinful. We are asked to do things that glorify our God. Since they dont even know that i am going to His church, what is it good for this lie? i fell into a sin called individualism. But if i dont do so, what should i do then? bla, but current situation is better than before because i am permitted to go to church twice per month. i refrain myself from lying. No lie is good. You will pay out your trust from them to you. i certainly dislike it.

I really hate my current situation. but i will keep trusting God that He has a plan on me, edifying me, sanctifying me in His way. Please God, please dont stop guiding me through this obstacle. Even when i am weak and start falling, i myself am wicked, please God, rebuke me, so that i can grow in the wisdom of Yours. i praise out loud of your great name and your purpose. Let your kingdom come as soon as possible although i might fail your judgement. But God, we are asked to be God centered, let the will of yours be done but not mine. we are just nothing compared to you. So God, whatever it is, please, i am blameless and obey your order. Dear God, please help and stop me from sinning and follow human's wisdom because i hate them.

Fish and water.

Fish: you are so beautiful. i think im in love with you.
Water: you silly being, it's just a sudden affection.
Fish: really! i wont lie to you.
Water: i dont believe in love at first sight.

Day by day, the fish's feeling towards the water wasnt faded away but grew even stronger.
Fish: i like to be with you.
Water: it's due to you have get used to tag along with me.
Fish: i like your scent.
Water: it's because of you have get used to my existence.

Few days later, water wanted to leave and started its journey.
Fish: i cant leave you and want to stay with you forever.
Water: by time passes by, you will forget about me.
Fish: no! i will not fall in love with the others except you.
Water: it's because that you havent met other people besides me right now.
Fish: you are my everything.
Water: but you are not to me.

Fish: what are you longing for?
Water: the sea is my only one.
Fish: couldnt you stay here for my sake?
Water: no, i really have to go, or else i will lose my chance to meet the sea.
Fish: can i come with you?
Water: you will never ever follow up my pace.
Fish: cant you stop a while for my sake?
Water: i love to proceed with my plan without resting.

Fish: no matter what, i will swim and stay with you until you reach your destination.
Water: dont be silly, you are just a river fish.
Fish: i dont want you to be alone whenever you face obstacles.
Water: i will not appreciate your kindness.
Fish: i dont ask for it, i just want to stay with you.
Water: you know, i will love you back.
Fish: it's my own decision to love you dear.
Water: you are just getting to hurt yourself.

They reached the big river, the fish had half of its life remained.
Fish: i am unsure if i still can follow you or not.
Water: please go back home, this kind of life doenst suit you at all.
Fish: no, i will not give up.
Water: you idiot.. please be rational.
Fish: yes i am an idiot, can you accept the love from me?
Water: you should know that my heart belongs to the sea only.
Fish: why dont you try to love me?
Water: i only believe that the sea is the right one for me.

They continue their journey, fish's lifespan left for about a quarter.
Fish: how will you be if i m no longer be with you?
Water: i will be down.
Fish: what if the person is the sea?
Water: my heart will be broken, and i will die along with the sea.
Fish: why? i always stay with you, isnt it even more precious than the sea whom you havent even met it yet?
Water: living together without feeling is just some spare memories.
Fish: you believe that the sea will love you back?
Water: Sea is my only dream, my desire and i will never give up on it.

Fish kept silent and continued the remaining distance towards the sea.
Finally, both of them met the sea.
Water saw the sea but it knew that it will never be the only one for the sea.
the sea was so great and it had a lot of companies around it.
Water disliked it and it decided to leave.

At this moment, water thought of the fish, but the fish will be death soon.
Fish: i saw the sea, it's beautiful, i agree,the sea deserves you more.
Water: but i feel the sea is too mysterious.
Fish: dont worry, im sure that one day the sea will fall in love with you as well.
Water: i think i made a wrong decision.
Fish: you silly, your love to sea is so great, it isnt wrong kay?
Water: i am an idiot, why i never love you back although you never leave me always?

Fish: i think i no longer can fulfill that promise.
Water: cant you just stay again for my sake?
Fish: ... it's my decision to love you, but i never ask for you to take up this responsibility.
Water: why i was so stubborn last time and didnt love you back?!
Fish: please dont say that, i will not feel well at all to leave like this.

Water: why you always treat me so good, i....
Fish: forget about me, try to find someone better kay?
Water: no, i realised that you are the only one who deserve my love.
Fish: but i dont have time for you anymore.. sorry.
Water: i had missed all the chances that you gave me last time! i dont want to miss it again!!!
Fish: ....
Water: i think i really fall in love with you, my fish.

Fish: ah, you cant see my tear right? because im in you.
Water: no! i can feel it!! because you are in my heart.

Fish passed away with a smile, a heart was broken.




Fish:




Water:

You cannot give to others what you do not have yourself. First, make yourself emotionally, physically, spiritually wealthy, and then freely give to others.

:)

aha! finally finished the second drama in this raya break! 'sungkyunkwan scandal' :D after watching city hunter and this drama, i found out that i actually quite enjoy those drama which are classified into period as their genres more. For instance, this 'la', taechangkeum, hwangjinyi. Sungkyunkwan Scandal is set in Sungkyunkwan University in the late Joseon era during the reign of King Jeongjo, revolving around the exploits and love stories of four youths. When her younger brother's illness worsens and their family is in danger of being evicted from their house for lack of money, Kim Yoon Hee enters the school under his name, disguised as a boy in her desperation to support him. There, she becomes friends with the intelligent and upright Lee Sun Joon, the playboy Goo Yong Ha and rebellious Moon Jae Shin. Anyway, have this kind of matters ever happened in the past before? i would be proud of that girl.

Another moral issue which has been mentioned in the drama is that what will you do as a child, when you know about your dad, the person who once you respected the most, the person who is your role model since the day you're born to this world, had been doing immoral things.

‘舍身取义'

After knowing the truth behind, you're taught to forgive him. But, the problem is how are you able to say ' i forgive you' as when he doesnt even bother to admit his own fault in front of you and provides that opportunity for you to do so? Escapism and ignorance are not the best solutions because the roots of the problem will only grow deeper and as time passes by it will be more difficult to pluck it out of the ground. Disappointment seeds within child's mind because the child loves his dad too much.

How cant the dad understand how his child feels? Ego and pride and status and shamefulness? Then where are the love, fairness, teachings, acknowledgements?

  ' once you have done wrong, stand up and admit it. '

To every parent, it will only be a heartaching say to your children if you do not even make it as your own principle but use that kind of theory to teach your children. Because you dont even bother to show the right attitude to your children. Credibility and reliability of a life teacher will just be gone like that.

It's too painful to the children of yours because they love you too much.


So, please be a real role model, let the children to be proud of you and let them wont have any second thought on what you did.

人·。

tears

It's time for me to cleanse myself with tears and with laughter. Let tears take out all the agony that is hidden inside you, and let laughter ignite your contagious joy.

Awesome advice!

'' If you feel too busy, you are... ''

Give yourself permission to be un-busy. Give yourself an hour or a day to simply be. Allow yourself the luxury of a small retreat. Allow your spirit time to be restored. Even God took a day of rest.

hmm... but i am really not sure whether i am still within the limit or not. ( yawn~  >< )
Thank you!!!  Shu Fang !! X) actually i don't mind that it's pink, but i am too used to say : '' owh~ pink! '' hehe...your chocolate was my savior! It helped me to stay awake in class. Thank you once again!!! <3

'Bike day'

A windy day. A great time to have a date with my bike. :)

The fruit of the tree at the road side is red color. It smells like sweet 'ciku'. Less fruit but with a big seed and it looks like a fat short chili. Having an urge to 'examine' it with tastebuds, hmm..let's keep this thought for next time. i remembered that i tasted the fruit of other tree before, it has an appealing appearance, somehow it gave me a bad memo, it's too sour. yucks!

(playing with my old phone again.)

Summer?

''false color''

Spring?

'' high color temperature and tint'' it reminds me of Autumn season!

urm, forgotten about the mode setting. A cold Winter!

*******************************************************



it's taken at my hostel. lol..i think i should make it brighter. An upside down image.



'' When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. " Charles A. Beard

shared post =)

Cup or Coffee?

 

A group of graduates, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee, the professor said, “If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the simple and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases, it is just more expensive and some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups.... Then you began eyeing each other's cups.”

“Now consider this”, said the professor, “Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change, the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating on the cups, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us. Enjoy your coffee!”

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Four things to take note in life...

1. Live simply.

2. Love generously.

3. Care deeply.

4. Speak kindly.

 

 

“The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.”

Poem

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me.

Black as a Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried

aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me una-

fraid.

It matters not how strait the

gate,

How charged with punishments

the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

~William Ernest Henley (1849-1902)

we take full responsibility for our actions and we strive to '' act in good faith''. when the chips are down, it is time to take charge.

- picked from an article - =)